Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Nblost]

MZ, the book Torn Asunder gets at some of this. In order to heal, your H has to understand the feel the pain you endured as the betrayed spouse.

In my opinion (which is just opinion since I haven't gone through a recovery and am not sure I will)...it seems like the LBS needs to have a chance to fully get all their questions answered about the A and fully express their anger. The cheater needs to tell them what they need to know and acknowledge/feel the pain. Seems like "ideally", you'd go through several months of rough counseling sessions to process all that.

Your perspectives on other people's reactions are interesting. So far, the only people who know about H's affair are girlfriends of mine. They have all been supportive of me and great sets of ears. I can imagine as others find out though...there's a big variety in how people think you should react.

I am assuming H and I will separate. On Monday, we meet with our MC to talk about telling the kids, etc. I think it's important we agree to a story so we have some consistency and the kids don't overhear things from various people. I think from DB and other things, I don't want the world to know that my H had an affair (seems like it makes the road back more rocky). However, I don't feel like I can say we've tried everything and this is a mutual decision.

I think our story for now may need to be, "we're taking a break and H needs some time".