Rick, this is too flippin weird! While you were posting on my thread and then on yours. I was busy posting on my thread about a dream I had last night. Then I come over here and see you are posting about dreams.
We truly are living parallel lives!!
amazing, that is funny - sci fi stuff, we're connected through The Matrix. My oldest son sees all these WAW's going on and thinks its part of everything breaking down before 12 21 2012.
I sure hope your son realizes that is NOT the case, AND the serious philosophers of today, believe the Mayans never meant for their calendars to be "causative"...they're just calendars in effect... plus, I hope your son believes HE controls his future and his destiny. Of course he'll reflect what YOU project, right?
Show him
WE are all the authors of our lives. WE write the chapters of our books... and his life and destiny is within HIS EXCLUSIVE control, just like YOURS is...
and speaking of detachment...as interesting and fun as it may be to discuss dreams and their potential implications,
it does seem to contradict the very essence of detachment.
I mean are we Now to read into THEIR dreams?
How about what WE are DOING IN OUR LIVES???
And for one last piece on detachment that I think you've already seen (there are MANY good ones around this site so read on....)
but here is the one piece on DETACHMENT that I thought of today...
This was originally posted by Peanut. ============ II. Detachment Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship.
Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done. Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to those actions that will undermine our very best chances of accomplishing our goals.
We can not control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness. If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals.
On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.
Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’ It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I can not control another person, but I can control how I respond to them." ----------
Guess I mean, let's not spend a lot of energy on mind reading them OR dream reading...
back to YOU!!! How are those GAL?? And the 180s?
We say this for a reason. Keeps your mind off the WAS and helps detach
and that makes you happier and busier and more attractive so you are MORE likely to win the spouse back
with GAL and 180s.....regardless
you are better off either way b/c if the spouse does NOT return and you have gotten a life and done your 180s and become the best catch you can...
you are better off that much faster anyhow....and you will be happier that much faster, period.
Good luck, stay on track and stay on message....
Rick said - Thanks 25. I do get that analyzing my W's dreams is not in any way a detachment. I knew that as I typed the post. I was thinking after your response that if I was truly fully detached, I wouldn't be posting anything about my M sitch because I would be completely detached, but would only be here trying to help everyone else. Got to run now but will give your past some more thought.
Guess I mean, let's not spend a lot of energy on mind reading them OR dream reading...
back to YOU!!! How are those GAL?? And the 180s?
We say this for a reason. Keeps your mind off the WAS and helps detach
and that makes you happier and busier and more attractive so you are MORE likely to win the spouse back
with GAL and 180s.....regardless
you are better off either way b/c if the spouse does NOT return and you have gotten a life and done your 180s and become the best catch you can...
you are better off that much faster anyhow....and you will be happier that much faster, period.
25 - good reminder!
BTW there is a newbie who I think could benefit from some of your hard won wisdom. He lives in Alaska and has a WAW. I thought you might be able to provide some perspective since you also used to live there. Here is the link to his thread: LINK
OKay - maybe its not DBing but I will try to analyze her dream
"She was on an outcropping overlooking our street. I was putting the trash out and I was talking on the phone to another woman. I was telling her I was suceeding in manipulating my W to where I want her."
She sees you a a good H, after all you are taking out the trash. But she does not trust you. She thinks if she lets you back in you will disappoint her.
You can show her, over time, that your changes are real
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
OKay - maybe its not DBing but I will try to analyze her dream
"She was on an outcropping overlooking our street. I was putting the trash out and I was talking on the phone to another woman. I was telling her I was suceeding in manipulating my W to where I want her."
She sees you a a good H, after all you are taking out the trash. But she does not trust you. She thinks if she lets you back in you will disappoint her.
You can show her, over time, that your changes are real
Maybe Brklyn. This does make sense. Hope you're having a good day! thx
My W suggests we watch a movie and one suggestion is "Contagion". I had already seen it and in it, a married woman has a A with a guy and unwittingly unleashes a plaque throughout the world and kills off 1/4 of the world's population.
I was thinking I don't want to watch this scenario with her and see her get more bummed out than she already is (there was a poss EA on her part so it's not the most lighthearted topic).
I was hoping for a more lighthearted story and suggested "Crazy, Stupid, Love" - Steve Carrell. We agree and watch it.
Wouldn't you know the story is about a married couple in trouble. The W leaves her H. She's 45 and in a MLC (my wife is 45). The W in the story is called "M" for short. Same with my wife. They have 3 kids (so do we). She has an A (poss EA in our M). Their youngest 13 yr old son finds out about the A and is pissed at the Mom and wants to destroy the OM (13 yr old son in our family - same thing).
Just too much similarity. Oddly enough, we both found it to be hysterically funny.
What I like is that my W is starting to take the lead in planning things for us to do. She's wants me to take her to an art museum tomorrow and then a castle in NY soon.
What's cool is that in the early bomb days she reacted to me as if I was Hitler/Satan/hannibal lecter all rolled into one, but we have at least gotten to this better place.
She's going through so much in her current life crisis but if I hadn't seen the light thru the DB program and asked for the 2" * 4" school of input I think we never would have gotten to this point.
I know where I'm going in terms of how I will conduct myself henceforth and I am seeing my W work through an enormous amount of issues. I feel I am strong enough to change my life for the better snd also be what she needs now and going forward.
Not that its easy though. I have to continually monitor my emotional state throughout this. I don't know where this will lead in terms of our M but really, I couldn't have imagined us at this point even a few months ago.
I just looked back to your first post and we started down this road at the same time. You are seeing much more improvement than I am, I'm happy for you Keep up the good work.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Now I'm catching up on the whole thread, don't know how I missed it before, and we have a lot of similarities. I always had the right answer, the logical argument, etc.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
