Please please please keep the agenda to a minimum. Don't put too much on the table for the kids.
Think about how hard it was for you to think about a separation or D, and then look at the details of custody, of housing, of move out dates, of how to handle the fractured blended family. You were NOT up for discussing all those things in one talk, your kids aren't going to be either. These lists of scripted talking points, the letter to the school, etc...., are the things that make you look very controlling.
SS does not need to hear about volunteering opportunities weeks from now. Do you really think that will be his first concern? By raising the topic you just introduce a new point of confusion/pain/questioning that probably wouldn't otherwise arise.
Stick to the basics: We love you and always will, we will always be family. It is not good for us to be married right now.
Then listen and respond. Perhaps that is your plan? Perhaps your prose are mostly just possible responses to possible questions?
As for the specific content of responses, I'm concerned about you promising the kids too much. Your rosy picture of how things will be after separation/D is almost certainly overly optimistic. Happy family outings with the 5 of you, you and W spending nights at the other's house, etc... Maybe some of these things will happen at least once. Maybe not. You really don't know. They probably would not continue long term. Of course, I could be wrong. I'd like for you to have the idyllic post-D life you wish for your kids, and no, I'm not being sarcastic. But the fact is it is unlikely and unpredictable. If you make promises now, you risk breaking them later for your own reasons and for reasons beyond your control. And what happens if W is there in May, June, July for money reasons? Yet the kids Spring semester was wrecked waiting for the big move they were told would probably happen, but didn't.
Think about sticking with the surest things:
- Both of you will always love and care for them. - Both of you will always be in their lives. - The kids will always be in each other's lives. - You don't know when the divorce will happen, but you will let them know at least a week or two ahead of time before anyone moves.
Glad the meeting went well. It seems as if now that you are creating more space, W is trying to increase intimacy (with the crying, etc...) Resist the urge to close the gap. She would have to be the one to do it for her to know she wanted it closed.
FWIW, the idea of reading a D book to S together with W and then springing the bomb on him really turned my stomach. It seems like a trick. S will be so thrilled to be with both of you enjoying a book and then BAM. Ughhh. I think loving, direct, concise would be more compassionate.
