Now my W and I are meeting for dinner tomorrow to discuss things. She is still scared or afraid of whatever when it comes to committing on working on our R or going to marriage counseling. I'm very interested to hear what she has to say. I know I need to be very careful at this point but at the same token my walking on eggshells this whole time got me no where that I see until I was ready to move on. She is not sure what she wants to do but man I just feel this can't go much longer for the either of us because it is just making life bad.
What advice do people have for me tomorrow for my dinner with my W? I don't have any expectations and I still want to take it slow by all means by I do want to take it in one direction or another.
I’m going to go out on a limb here. Please take what I have to say with the appropriate grain of salt.
R talks are mostly contradicted by DB. But IMHO, there’s still a place for them when the S is still somewhat receptive as seems to be the case with your W. I think that when people fear C, it’s because they’re afraid that the C will side with the other person. However, I also think that if you get a good C who will try to facilitate improvement in your R without pointing fingers, it can be very helpful. I’m not speaking from experience here. My W never wanted couples C, and her individual C encouraged her to walk away.
All that being said, you’ve committed to a R talk, so you can’t back out now without seeming to cop out. When you meet with her, just tell her that you want to understand her issues, and take corrective action. Tell her that you don’t want C so you can “win”, but rather to have someone who can help you understand her issues so that you can take corrective action.
Don't ask for commitment to work on your R. Just give her your commitment that you will.
That’s what you want, right?
And above all... Do not revert to begging, whining, etc. Just lay it all out calmly.
