Just stopping by. Read your stitch from the beginning. Based on your most recent posting, you seem to be getting the support you need. Your initial posts remind me of me when I first logged on to DB. I was anxious, confused, sad, depressed, and just too focused on my H.
The most important thing I did for me was going dark. I didn't initially go dark when he left for Afghanistan, but soon after, and with the support here on DB, I went completely dark. By doing so, I soon able to focus on me and really began to "know myself" again and began to like myself again. I hated myself in my M during our most turbulent times leading up to when my H left our home. I was always angry, hurt, and treated my H like he would never leave no matter what I would say to him or even how I treated him.
I say this to really emphasize going dark. While it may be difficult to detach because you don't know how your spouse will feel once he gets home; but think about this - do you know how YOU will feel when he gets home? Take this time, to really think about what it is you want. If the R has any chance, TIME is what you both need. Focus on you right now, try to put whatever he may/may not be doing with the OW out of your mind. Don't snoop - it only leads to pain for YOU.
Do things for you that make YOU feel good about you. Don't lean on every word your spouse says or his actions to guide your behavior. You need to control you.
I let my H's actions and words control how I reacted for a long time (and to some extent, I still backslide). What things did you do for yourself before you met him? Did you hang out or do things with friends and family? What hobbies do you have? Did you travel? Think about the things that made you interesting and made you have fun? Get to know that woman again. I did, and while every day is a step for my M, I got to know me again.
I will drop by again. But best wishes and have a great weekend!!!
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
