At the end of the day.. be you. People will flock to it or run away.
Excellent point, Forrest. Sometimes, in their rush to do a 180, try something different, or "work on themselves', people forget this.
The changes one makes to oneself should be for the sake of improving oneself. Not to change ourselves into somebody else. And sometimes our behavior does not reflect our values. We must change our behavior to reflect who we really are. Or even better, who we really want to be.
Well today is my birthday. I guess I can give up hope that I will receive bd wishes from P. It is nearly his bedtime where he is now.
I am not huge on BD celebrations anyways and I tend to be a little blue today anyways, but this is a bit (alot) of a bummer.
I made such a huge fuss over his BD which he was in A-Stan already for. I sent him a huge care package and tons of mundane but cherished stuff, along with some big ticket items and a beautiful letter. He actually made me a video of him opening it and he was so excited and happy and told me he couldn't wait to marry me in the spring.
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
Just stopping by. Read your stitch from the beginning. Based on your most recent posting, you seem to be getting the support you need. Your initial posts remind me of me when I first logged on to DB. I was anxious, confused, sad, depressed, and just too focused on my H.
The most important thing I did for me was going dark. I didn't initially go dark when he left for Afghanistan, but soon after, and with the support here on DB, I went completely dark. By doing so, I soon able to focus on me and really began to "know myself" again and began to like myself again. I hated myself in my M during our most turbulent times leading up to when my H left our home. I was always angry, hurt, and treated my H like he would never leave no matter what I would say to him or even how I treated him.
I say this to really emphasize going dark. While it may be difficult to detach because you don't know how your spouse will feel once he gets home; but think about this - do you know how YOU will feel when he gets home? Take this time, to really think about what it is you want. If the R has any chance, TIME is what you both need. Focus on you right now, try to put whatever he may/may not be doing with the OW out of your mind. Don't snoop - it only leads to pain for YOU.
Do things for you that make YOU feel good about you. Don't lean on every word your spouse says or his actions to guide your behavior. You need to control you.
I let my H's actions and words control how I reacted for a long time (and to some extent, I still backslide). What things did you do for yourself before you met him? Did you hang out or do things with friends and family? What hobbies do you have? Did you travel? Think about the things that made you interesting and made you have fun? Get to know that woman again. I did, and while every day is a step for my M, I got to know me again.
I will drop by again. But best wishes and have a great weekend!!!
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I've already broken the rules. Last night when it was ten PM my time and early morning for P, I messaged him a pitiful message that said... "it's my bd for 2 more hours, was kind of bummed not to hear from you today". He responded..."I'm already working today.. Happy birthday!!" thats it
Then this AM (dinner time his time) I just sent him another email:
I know you're probably super busy with the visit. I am not sure when this one is over. I know you're "top dog" right now and probably really busy a lot.
But I was hoping we could speak and you mentioned we could, after the last visit.
I need to be able to tie up some loose ends with you regarding living arrangements, and budget.
Unfortunately, I kind of need to know. If we could talk in the next couple of weeks, I would appreciate it.
Also with Skype, I have NO idea what is going on with it. You show up as a '?' it says "you have not shared your contact info with me" and you're not on my list. Nor have I received any invites from your end. Just to keep you in the loop. (he has said he had added me just the other day but I don't know with that program)
I'm terrible.
I want to go dark on everything but I guess I can't take the chance that he will kick me out when he returns and I won't have a place to go. ONce I hear from his lips that it's okay. I can stay until May 1st (which is what I need for my budget) I could breathe a sigh of relief and go dark in.. semi-peace. If he says no, I will have to start seeing what the heck I'm going to do for end of Feb. Thats only 7 weeks away.
