Why I've Finally Left Him

[antlers]

I read your thread and I swear that I was the same kind of man your husband is...to a "T". And my exW was the same kind of woman you are. You have to walk on eggshells all the time because of his explosive negative behavior, even over seemingly small things.
The problem is him, and what he feels inside himself. He blames you, even though you have nothing to do with it. He tries to control his environment to avoid the bad feelings he has within himself. His strategy of trying to 'control and manipulate' fails for the simple reason that the primary cause of his bad feelings (anxiety, failure, inadequacy, powerlessness, unloveable, etc.) is within him, not in his environment (you).
This form of abuse, as do all forms of abuse, results from a failure of compassion. He stops caring about how you feel. It'd probably be less hurtful to you if he never cared about how you felt, but at one time he did care. Now it feels like a betrayal when de doesn't. And you adapt by walking on eggshells to try to keep the peace. That's an awful way to live.
You second guess yourself so much that you feel as though you've lost yourself.

I'm gonna recommend a book to you, it's called 'Love Without Hurt' by Steven Stosny. It's about turning your resentful, angry, or emotionally abusive relationship into a compassionate, loving one. I wish to God I'd have known about this book and the information inside of it years before I learned of it.

I completely understand your anger and rage.