WHG: Down the rabbit hole I guess

[workinghardguy]

but will children at this age be able to understand that the love you both have is now a different kind of love?

I have no idea CT... I can hope so. SS and SD can I think. As far as S? All the research says sort of. The research says that S's worldview is that mom and dad are together because of him. So if we aren't together anymore then what does that say about him? But, the message we've crafted is what the "experts" say. At the same time many of the experts say no matter what it will take 2-5 years for S to fully adjust and cope.

And is your W prepared for the onslaught of emotions when the children are begging mommy and daddy not to live apart?

I have no idea... I'm not her, but I really doubt it. She admitted last night that she never had this convo with SS and SD when she left her first husband. Granted the kids were 1 and 3 then. However I've also never brought this up to her... how the kids will react. I've seen that as trying to control her... guilt her into staying. She's smart... she knows this will hurt them. I believe she is underestimating the level of disruption and pain, and perhaps I'm overestimating it.

She is going to have to experience it first-hand. If it gives her a reason to second-guess her actions, ok. But I think that has to come from her own experience and not from me "laying it on her". If it comes from me it's just "me trying to hold on to our marriage". If it comes from the kids it's genuine. It's not my job to teach or deliver consequences... I have to let life do that. I also have to not shield or repair those consequences for her.