Thank you 25 for the excellent response. I will try and make my posts shorter and address one or two issues at a time. I don't know if you read my replies to Sandi2's response, I think it answers some of your questions. I will address some of your questions further as I go along.
First, I am new at this forum format, I'm not into FB, twitter, blogging etc. So if my formatting isn't correct I apologize, I'm still learning.
In regards to living in Alaska, NO I do not like living here and I did not want to move here. I was asked to take this assignment and since I was brand new to the company, I was reluctant to say no. I offered the idea of not moving and just commuting up here to work. She didn't want to do that because she didn't like the idea of me being in AK for a week or two at a time. However, now my W says that I wanted to move here and she didn't and blames me for making her move here. She said just yesterday that if we still had our house in KY, we wouldn't be getting divorced.
This assignment did nothing for me as far as career etc. Its expensive to live in AK, we get no COLA and now have to hope they will make good on the promise to move us out in 4-5 years. It was not a good decision to move here.
It is a corporate move, which means they will buy the house for the move back. If we sell the house on our own we would lose a large amount versus if the company buys it through relocation. To emphasize, my W doesn't want to sell on our own and lose money. I did talk about that but she doesn't want to do it. When they relocate me, it will be back to KY. At least that is where my job will be. It is possible for me to commute from Dallas, but she has no interest in me moving to Dallas with her.
My son goes to a college prep boarding school. It is always hard to convey why we do this. It is a great academic school, teaches leadership etc. It is an opportunity that both our sons wanted to do. I would not have know about this prep school if it wasn't for my wife. Her family has been associated with the school's summer camp program for years. Our sons went to summer camp there from ages 9 - 15. They loved it and wanted to go to the winter school for high school. This was also what my W wanted to do when she was in high school but her parents couldn't afford it. So she really wants this for our sons. She would not consider removing our son from school. The school is located in Indiana, which I would be close to when I'm relocated back to KY.
I have recognized the academic valve of the school and our son has excelled in every way possible. I hopefully will get relocated this summer. There are quite a few of us here that want out of AK ASAP. However there will only be one or two (maybe)who get out this year. Ironically, because of the amount of work I've put in I'm the first one in line to get moved out. I just never thought it would be alone!
I agree with you 25 that living here is not good for her. If you read my reply to Sandi2 you will see that even though I'm a pilot, most of what I do takes place in a simulator or developing training programs. I am not gone much at all. In fact I've never been home more than when we have lived here in AK. However, even though I was physically here, I was working to much and prioritized work over her too much.
I will continue to give more detail in further posts. There is a lot to express, so if it seems that I'm lacking detail in previous posts, it wasn't because I'm hiding something. It was just too much info too type.
Now my question back. And I mean this sincerely. If my wife won't come back unless she sees the possibility of the relationship being different, what do I change? How do I change myself. I want to spend time with her. I have made her the priority with my time and effort(Since last spring). But she doesn't want any part of it. Too little, too late as they all say. I had my chance, it is only because she is leaving that I'm doing anything about it she says. It seems insincere to her.
All the GAL activities seem to have the wrong effect with my W. She didn't have my time and attention, and the GAL idea would be more of the same.
How do I change myself? I've changed since we first were together she has said. I read a lot now, dress like she wants me to etc. Her comment; "your Mr. academic now, you never used to be that way". What does that mean? She has made the comment "I've made you who you are, you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. I've taught you how to dress, act. You were a classless hick when I met you. You made all the relationship mistakes with me, you can go off now and have a great marriage with some bimbo!".
I'm struggling for the solution approach for my situation. How do I honor, appreciate, care for, and make her feel beautiful when she is leaving and doesn't want anything to do with me? That would be my 180 right?
