Doing the "Friends" Route Pt 2...

[Abbey]

Piss and vinegar,... funny it's probably not the first or last time I've been associated with .. er spunk

Stranger still though, is just how easily one can go from spunk to funk in these kinds of sitchs.

H seems intent on driving me batty. One minute he's all love and cuddles, the next it's like he's floating through a maze of unknown emotions toward the OW. One minute he's being nice to her on the phone, the next minute he's telling me she's a stupid... er.. anyway..

We've had daughter for 2 sleep overs, and we'll have two more this week coming up. Whilst I'm quite enjoying the time we spend together, having a toddler when you're in your late forties, is... different to say the least. The whole maternal instinct thing... I clearly didn't think I had that in me. Turns out, I do. LOL.

On the R front: What I am acutely aware of, is how little my H understands or grasps what he's done to "us", to this marriage, to the relationship... and yes ... TO ME. It's a side of him that I really dislike to be honest. It's a side I'm not sure in the long run I'll be able to get past either. Trust rebuilding only comes from working on not making past mistakes. I'm not sure HOW climbing that hurdle will come about for us. Yes, I've read all the bloody books,... putting it into action, I'm not sure yet how we're ever going to get that path started.

Men in particular seem to want to just let it all pass. Problem is, that we as the LBS, (women) in this case... aren't going to trust UNTIL that whole thing is put to bed once and for all.

He's also still drawn to OW. His words today: I don't know why I keep getting drawn into those fights with her. My comment: You make the choice to. Until you can cut her off each and every time she strays into trying to get into relationship talks with her, and bring her curtly back on topic about your daughter... you choose to let her go on and on.

How that relates to me is: Until he can do that, while I'm ahead the game... I still feel I'm not anywhere close to being out of the woods with him. That's even with him saying the things he does to me,... including out of the blue I love yous, having discussions about buying another home together, and making sure that it's in my name to make sure my assets are protected etc etc etc.

His words talk about OUR future, with daughter. Including totally going after OW for primary custody of daughter. (Funny how so many people who know this OW say the same thing: She should have been forceably sterilized.) H's own words less than 20 minutes ago: She couldn't care less about daughter, she shoved her off with her other kids and is off to go hang out with her druggie friends.

I've got a meeting with my T this week coming,... will have to ask how much I say or don't say while my H sorts all his emotions out.

My emotions... I dunno... to early to tell where I'm going to end up. Sometimes I long for the solitude of my own place... away from the roller coaster ride.

Abbey