Hi Elmo, just an FYI, I am not really posting on the site right now, but want you to know that people are reading your posts. While you may be hoping for feedback, if you are positive and appear to be doing a good job in dealing with things, other members may have little to offer for suggestions.
And you do appear to be doing well, I might add. As anxious and distraught as you may be, your positive attitude is showing through here, which is great because it is also likely showing up in the rest of your life, too. If others are seeing it, your W can't NOT notice, as well. Believe that is to your benefit... why would someone want to leave someone who is "up beat" even in stress.
Your use of the term "sand bag" is normal. Many of us LBSers get the same. And yes, the WAS sees their "freedom" as some indicator that their fantasy life is just beginning or at least close, around the corner. Reality will catch up to them, soon enough. Unless your W isn't grounded in reality at all... in which case... might be a good time to rethink your position... j/k, of course...
Yes, guys are guys, built of the Mars' clothe... if you are familiar with DB principles, you may want to consider your 180s... are you normally the "stiff upper lip" kind of guy, or do you sometimes or often show your soft side? If the former, than it may be a good 180 to show a bit of your sensitive side to your W. If you're all logic and function, your W may not know how much you care. OTOH, if your a bit of a "nice guy" and your W has seen tears in your eyes over your sitch, then a good 180 may be to "grab a backbone" as it were and be happy and pleasant about this "separation opportunity / gift" your W has presented you with.
Regarding changes you are considering around the house (and also consider changes in your own routines), definitely do something if it is what you would want. Understand that you can always change things back.
The changes can help with any cognitive dissonance you may be having and lead to better feelings and also, again your W may notice and will see you moving forward with your life. Even if your M does tank, you are showing you have the strength to carry on, regardless.
Yes, there is a couple concept to keep in mind. One is - Keep the road home paved and smooth (ie. try not to rock the boat). Another one is - If you want to have someone in your life, you have to ensure there is room for them.
Yet, we often find that people who make efforts to move on, will find their WAS become curious and start making efforts to reach out to the LBS... when the LBS is not needy, clingy, or otherwise pursuing the WAS... in an... ambivalent sort of way...
This is a slow forum on this board, so you may find yourself with more connections in the "Newcomers" forum. Although you are likely to find people connecting with you more on this forum, as time goes on.
One thing to understand is, post frequently (journaling is great) and try to keep your own sitch in a single topic until it reaches about 100 posts before beginning a new one. It helps other members be up to date and clear with your sitch. That does not mean you cannot move or start a new thread elsewhere... it's just a rule of thumb...
