First thank you for posting on my thread. I just read through yours and, as what seems to be often the case, the similarities are amazing. I feel your pain and frustration. I'm sorry you, me and the rest of us are going through this. Logic is out the window, irrationality is in.
The apparent lack of consideration of the kids is amazing to me. I usually get a response something like, "I know it will hurt, but not that bad if we show them a united front" And her tone and demeanor are so cavalier it amazes me. I'm shouting and crying inside, "there is absolutely no excuse for them have any pain at all caused by us!" But she is avoiding any thought like that. It sounds like your H is the same.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things. It is just so unfortunate that we all run on different clocks. I believe so much that just by the virtue of responsibility of having kids, it should make all decisions focused in that area. In my case I think my W feels like she's been doing that for too long (and worried about me as well) and that it's time she's focused on herself. In her mind, and it seems that way with your husband, they think they are handling everything equally and justify all their decisions. I cannot tell if continually reminding them of the kids, and the hurt they will go through, gets through to them at all.
Since I've had a hard time understanding what self focus would like for me, I focus on the kids as much as I can. Maybe that helps you as well? I make sure any chance I can I'm there for them. Also here's another idea: my computer background changes every half hour with a different picture of them from our vacation last year. She sees it every time she walks in. I don't think that reminder can hurt the situation a bit.
