WHG: Down the rabbit hole I guess

[workinghardguy]

@Oldtimer:

On the other hand, his w clearly understands how to control him--sadness, then annoyance, then anger to get him to rollover again. Not saying this is conscious on her part, but it is a pretty clear pattern.

I knew there was some point I thought was really interesting that I missed last night, and it just hit me... it's this quote.

It's not really unconscious on her part... or not fully. When we were talking the other day, when she was telling me about some of her self-help discoveries and dysfunctions, she said basically your quote above. We were talking... part of the discussions was what I've learned... that I avoid conflict. She then said that she knows... she knows, and knows that if she gets irritated, guilts me, or "flips her b!tch switch" she can get me to do what she wants most of the time. I don't know in the heat of the moment if it's conscious with her, but she knows full well how to use it to manipulate me and uses it.

Even this morning... I didn't get out of the house as soon as I wanted so I was there when she got home from work. I won't go into the morning but... right before I left she headed up to bed. She made sure to toss out the comment that she would only get five hours of sleep before having to pick up the kids.

The full intent of this was to guilt me... to get me to say I'll leave work early and go get the kids. That's what I've always done. Even this morning my brain started screaming at me and scheming on how I could make it work. But then I ignored it. First off... it's not five hours... it's six and a half by my math. Second, you had agreed to get the kids today... reneging now doesn't work. Third... get used to not having me around... I certainly won't be leaving work early to pick up the kids once we're divorced/separated.

I really wanted a good reply but didn't have one since my energy was going towards keeping my mouth shut. All I managed was, "yeah... that'll be a challenge".