Things took a little bit of a turn yesterday. I had a few email exchanges with H's bio-mom. The night before he had mentioned that other people (he then said who) agree on how our relationship has always been one-way and I didn't do anything for him. I had seen them in person maybe 5 times of the last 4 years, so I felt pretty pissed that they seemed to have figured it all out. I expressed my frustration in an email.
Of course, his bio-mom had to mention to him that we were have this exchange and when he came home from work it opened up a new can of worms in terms of his new relationship with his bio-family and how I felt left out, etc. He asked why I never said anything, and I told him that I didn't want to feel like a burden. I did not want to come in the middle. If he's blaming for my lack of support when I didn't voice my issues, I can only imagine what he'd be saying if I actually did say that I had certain issues. I did not want to have that conversation with him, especially since it was his birthday. But his bio-mom couldn't wait until at least the day after to say something. The conversation was different though and not the typical R talk. It was more the R between his new family. I may have said that I had always been open and open-hearted towards them, but I don't see a reason to keep going if that's how they feel and the road we're heading towards. He kept asking why and said that I was still his wife. Hmm, funny he says that, because it sure did not feel like it. I felt like people were ganging up on me after hearing blame for so long, you almost start to believe it. So I took on the "I don't care" attitude that H has been showing. I think that took him by surprise.
It was dinner time and after what had happened I didn't expect him to still want to go out to dinner. I told him that if he still wants to go out, then H and S4 should get going. He insisted that I came, too. I said that people usually spend special occasions with their loved ones. He didn't say anything to that, but still insisted that we all went, so we did.
While waiting for a table at the first restaurant, he asked if I wanted a drink while we're waiting. He hasn't really asked lately if I wanted or needed anything. Then it turned out that the restaurant ran out of a special food that we wanted for our S4 since he's got dietary restrictions. We quickly picked another place that could accommodate. We ended up having a really nice dinner. The place was nice, had a live jazz band and the food was great, too. I had mentioned that I had been craving a certain food lately. And he also asked what I was thinking about getting. Then he ordered all 3 things for us to share.
He ended up being up all night throwing up, probably a virus or something he ate earlier (could not have been dinner since we had the same food). Normally, I would have gotten up and tried to comfort him, get him water, etc. Last night I just stayed in bed. I feel kind of cold about my decision, but I figured he didn't want me comforting him. He stayed home today. When S4 tried to convince me that he should stay home to take care of his daddy, H made a comment that S4 has a good point about not being take care of himself. All I could think was "Well, you want to be on your own, then you have to get used to take care of yourself, because I won't be there to take care of you." Of course, I didn't say anything.
