I don't have any idea if this is MLC but I do know that before deployment, stuff comes crushing/crashing down for them. They feel a rush to 'complete' everything before they leave, I guess in the back of their minds, in case they don't come back.
This is SUCH a hard time to be going through pre-deployment stress/possible separation stress.
I'm really sorry you're going through all this at the same time (health troubles too).
He is being SUPER selfish right now, but LOTS of men do before deployment, so I am not all that shocked.
Then I find that they get in theatre and for the first part are really missing their lives back home and their families.
I agree with PP who say that the deployment might be a good thing for for you guys. It will def make or break you.
But I really wish he would just hold off on causing any kind of rupture now. Even if it's just 'pretend'. it would be a lot easier on those kids if daddy leaves for a year FROM HOME. Then after that year, THEN decide about separating. I wish he could give himself that distance and mental and physical break from you before making any pre-deployment-fueled decisions.
