not enought time and too much distance

[any chance?]

Gunny, et al:

My Dear John letter was interesting, primarily how it highlighted my STBX mindset, which seems to have been set long ago. The letter contained a few main points:

1. Our M has failed and will never recover, and she hopes the letter will bring closure

2. The primary reason for the failure is that she is unable to trust me. Once the trust is gone, it can never be rebuilt. This is based on my denying a transgression that occurred 7 years ago, four years before our current issues. This is her focal point, and any missteps she took pale in comparison. I have always freely admitted to my contribution to the problems in our R, but the situation is now cast as completely my fault

3. She argues that our mutual alcohol consumption contributed to our problems. She has not noticed the decrease in consumption that has occurred over the last couple of years.

4. She needs to be totally honest in her life, no matter what the consequences. "in that spirit", she tells me she is visiting the OM for 3 weeks over the holidays, has become very close to him, and that "they believe they have a future together"

5. She thanked me for all the good times during our M, for helping her grow, giving her a good life, and hoped that someday I would be able to forgive her.


Now we are in the process of the formal dissolution of our marriage, and I have been told she is looking to leave open the option for at least eight years of "catastrophic spousal support", whatever that is. This was after promising repeatedly she would not go there.

She is clearly strongly interested by her new OM (brief boyfriend 25 years ago), her lawyer, and her BFF. Cannot wait to see what comes up next.

She is very emotional when we talk. Her letter also suggested mixed feelings. She says this is very hard for her. Yet she seems ready to cut me and everything else (career, home, financial security, all her friends, etc) completely out of her life, drop everything, and start a new life.

To say I am confused is an understatement.