Our story

[bustorama]

Kolja, I see a pattern of antagonism and patronizing/control below still in your interactions with WAS. You NEED to dramatically change your approach to validating and accepting (not necessarily agreeing, just validating and accepting).

She asked if I was ready to settle, or if she needed a lawyer.

Respond as directly to her as you can and let her do what she chooses to. If you are not ready to settle per her terms when she asks, then simply say, No, your settlement terms don't work for me. Don't talk about stopping her, stalling her, etc. If she wants to go lawyer up, let her.

She said "Really??? Haven't I given you plenty of time??? I just want to get filed and move on..."

Better answer -- yeah, I can see you want to get filed and move on. Alot of time HAS passed. ACCEPT AND VALIDATE HER. Look up a guy named Homer McDonald -- stop fighting/stalling. Accept and validate her.

I asked her if she had even called a lawyer for advice on this, and said I was curious as to how we had such different expectations of how things would go.

This can easily come across as patronizing, controlling, demeaning, like you are talking down to her and not as your equal. Let her have her beliefs, even if you find them unreasonable.

Trying to logic her or prove where you are right, instead of validating her point of views may be part of why you are here.

She predictably blew up, and said "you [expletive] disgust me"

If it was predictable, then why go there???

I asked if her attorney knew we had only been married 17 months now and that both houses had been acquired by me before the marriage. She said "yep... it's a community state."

Let her have her beliefs, mistaken or not. "Proving" her wrong or trying to torpedo her out of la-la land and into reality is plan FAIL.

I sent her a link to the avvo.com page

More patronizing, demeaning, talking down.

reminded her that the houses and most of the investment assets are separate property.

And you think telling her she will get nothing out of you will help her fall in love with you again? Shock and awe her back to reality and be a dutiful wife?

She said "Whatever, I'm done with you."

That went well!

I think gunny clearly hit the nail on the head last week or so when he said it sounds like she's frustrated.

I would be frustrated too if I was in her shoes! Wall of opposition -- controlling, demeaning and patronizing. Accept and validate her wish to divorce you and move on.