Our story

[kolja]

Rick-
I'm more and more glad you asked that question the more it makes me think. I think there's also a very long-lasting pattern of behavior on my part in how I relate, not just to my wife, but just about everyone, that I've been almost entirely unaware of until very recently.

In my family life growing up, debate - not the silly spectator sport you see in political campaigns these days or there self-important and generally very loud bloviating you see on cable news channels, but a calm, reasoned exchange of differing views was pretty common, especially between my mother and I (still is, actually). And it's a pattern I've carried through with co-workers and friends. Only recently have I begun to realize that in the context of my marriage, when my wife wasn't expecting or wanting it, replying to a view of hers with what I happen to think COULD HAVE come off as disrespectful, condescending or whatnot. SOMETIMES, I've only just now learned, people just want to say what they think without it being an invitation to tell them what YOU think. In fact, being more sensitive to more appropriate times and places to share my views on things with people who may not necessarily agree (not just my wife, but everyone I interact with on a regular basis) is one of my 180s.

So, in addition to the reasons I cited in my post above from a few hours ago, I think in my pointing out Washington Community Property Law, I tripped up a bit in a 180 and reverted to a common and long running pattern of behavior of mine.

The good news is I just got off the phone with Chuck, my DB coach, and have what I think is a pretty sweet plan for next time she brings up the divorce.

Now I'm about to go fire up the grill and see how this marinade I made (I've had chicken soaking in it of 90 minutes) turns out!!