Okay. So I've had about two too many Gin & Ginger's and topped it off with a Bloody Mary and , oh, a little wine. Anyway, I started keeping a hand written journal a month ago. Just to see the progression of my own feelings as time passes. The difference has been amazing. Whether it had to do with the holiday season, or just the passage of time, I don't know. I have began to cherish my little house and my little life and my solitude and peace. Yeah, I still begrudge the history and the failed plans for our retirement, yada, yada, yada. But I've gained so much in understanding.
Wow! I don't have to go to a fancy restaurant to get a good steak dinner. It can be had right here in my little home town. Latest movie? I'd rather watch it at home with good friends and a bowl of nuked popcorn. Travel? Anything more than a day's ride is a waste of time and money. The only thing different is the elevation. Family. That's a tough one. I have lost some of my family in some respects through divorce, but the relationships that I keep will be through efforts of my own, and not by acts of solicitude or gratuitous gesture.
Future? I have one. One I am looking forward to. Planning my Spring planting of a garden for homemade canned salsa. Eggplant Parmisian. Okra. Doing my best for my family, friends, and co workers. People who APPRECIATE me. Painting and restoring my little house. Being a good neighbor. Doing unto others.
There is life after Divorce. It is slow and plodding, but arrives nevertheless. God bless it. My life is as full as I allow it to be. It is not dependent on the continuation of my R with my XH, or the X's goodwill. My focus has to be on ME and MY life, not his. This is true of all of us on this Board, and it just takes time and patience to reach it. Strike that! Even if the patience is not present, it will still arrive in it's own good time.
