"If he is going through changes because of his tour of duty, in other words, projecting badly towards me as he is angry, depressed, etc.. for being over there AND he wants to change this, realizes it, and admits it when he gets home, then YES, absolutely, I will stick by him and go through this difficult stage of life with him as much as possible."
Then clearly you are holding onto what he was. It is not abnormal or unexpected. If he did these things you list on his own accord would that mean more to you than if you "forced" him to? People that want/need you close will make efforts to make that happen. When they stop you really have to look at what you are doing to try and sway them. Do we "spy" on someone to really give us a way out.. or do we do it to hold it in their face and make them "see" what a great person we are and that they should comeback/stay with us? Clearly if he is pushing you away you should be paying attention. To me.. being engaged is just the same as being married. If you are committed there is no reason to be "looking" on a dating site. You certainly would not accept a good job while still going out for interviews unless you were really unsure you wanted that good job. You get what I am saying?
If I was in your shoes I would be/go dark. You have already broken off the engagement which gives him the "Single" status. Let him live the single life. If it does not fit him I assure you he will find you. I am not one to recommend the LRT but here it applies in so many ways and would I think be the most productive use of your time. You have to listen to your heart thou.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
