I don't see that either. How so? W announced they would tell the kids on Sunday, pretty much blindsiding WHG. To try to follow up that announcement with a rational discussion in a public place does not seem in the least bit controlling.
Mostly WHG has subordinated his needs to create N environment in which all W's perceived needs were met seamlessly while ignoring his own needs which led to extremely unattractive acting out. But he has not tried to dictate her needs, but meet them by controlling their shared environment to suit her.
On the other hand, his w clearly understands how to control him--sadness, then annoyance, then anger to get him to rollover again. Not saying this is conscious on her part, but it is a pretty clear pattern. If WHG is the parent figure, w too often is the tyrannical child -- violet in Charlie Nd the chocolate factory if I have my characters straight.
To try to move away from that to have an adult conversation about the kids' welfare is'nt.
If WHG wanted to control that, he has a huge number of trump cards to play that he hasn't even put on the table -- W's current substance abuse issues, her various infidelities, etc. A person trying to control the other would have had that ammo locked and loaded as needed to get his way.
WHG tried to be an adult while his w threw a tantrum.
As for you wgh, screwing around on the Internet on dating and prostitution sites without W's knowledge before any talk of separation, probably while MBing, simply is cheating. So try to get a grip on that. Don't shy away from it. Nd my guess is W knew about it too, which is a big ewwwww and would make her feel both abandoned And valueless.
My subordinating XH acted out similarly. It isn't a matter of occasional or frequent MBing with or without porn. It is a matter of you having your own little private sex world as a way to act out against w. I can't begin to tell you how bad that is for a M. The best thng to do is try your best to own it. If you reconcile, b honest about it and unburden yourself at that point. Too much weight otherwise.
