Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Nblost]

Thanks GH! All makes sense. I keep hoping the six month mark may mean the fog could start to lift...but I think it's a challenge because they are "sort of" long distance and I think H's job and her kids keep them apart some of the time he is in her city.

I guess I do sense a subtle change and I think it is coming from the thought of losing me and the family.

August--affair started/secret. H could only say, "I am dead inside, I need to get out of here"
September--affair discovered. H thought separating made a lot of sense. He seemed upbeat about getting a fun bachelor pad.
October--affair continues. H said he'd start looking for his own place when I said I couldn't do this anymore. He didn't do anything.
November--H said he loved me and the kids and didn't want to move.
December--same
January--see above

I think everyone on here is right that I need to make him see the reality of living alone.

H has always wanted a "string" back to me in case the affair didn't work out. I think having us go to counseling once a month may be that string.

I got some of my GAL back yesterday...back at work, fun lunch with a coworker, hung out with kids, surfed around on match.com (I'm not going to date, but it's fun to look and helps to see there are other fish in the sea). I think over the holidays and being on our trip with H...couldn't do as much of that.

One place where I feel like I'm not totally DB-ing...H said it seemed like I had gotten more distant during his affair which seemed like how our marriage always was. I'm not going overboard, but I'm trying to stay a bit warmer rather than being hard core LRT. For example, H was texting us a lot yesterday and I wasn't overly responsive...but at night, I said, "I miss having you home, good night"...he responded with several more texts about what he was doing and then said, "I miss being there too".

I guess it's DB-ing if it's a 180...although I feel like I'm walking a fine line with it so don't want to be a total 180.

I am hanging in there...I feel sad thinking about separating, but yet, I think I also welcome a move in a direction. And, I do keep coming back to what you are all saying...he'll never wake up if he can stay on his foggy fence.