So I have been doing a lot of reflecting and introspection. After I had the conversation with H last week, not much has really changed around here. It felt like some lip service, and I guess I am so drained that I don't feel like I care. That or I am truly detached. Some days I wonder if I can truly let go of the detachment, I think I like it.
In addition to the sitch with my H, my teenage boys seem to be more angry and taking it out on me. They are talking down to me, and imitating H. I feel uncomfortable in my own home. I don't feel like I want to be here. Three separate people taking me for granted.
So in the past week, I have gone to the movies with a friend and just planned a fun day of indoor rock climbing with another friend. I dream about getting in my car and just going.
This morning H asked me about it and I told him about how the boys have been treating me. He emailed me when he got to work, and said "I need to step up as a parent, you need a break. Let me drive for a while. Do what you need for you, and I support you"
I am taking it! I need the break and the kids prefer him right now anyway. I am taking the time to truly work on me, because I feel like a stranger in my own home these days. After years of trying to keep things happy and giving to all of them, they have officially drained me. Even when filling my own tank, they drain it faster than I can fill it back up.
