I'm in a similar position - trying to drag my heels as much as I can; not wanting to help her make this happen but not wanting to make her headspace any worse than it already is...
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
Thanks Labug & Wendy. I'm familiar with the Spiers Doctrine- kinda used it during deployments, but never in regard to my M. Strange- I have an easier time visualizing death/ dismemberment in Afghanistan than I have dealing w/ the possible worst case scenerio for my M.
This afternoon should be interesting....trying to prepare myself. My W & I are meeting a relative to tell them about the D....well...She is telling & I am attending. *** He is the Catholic priest that married us 17 yrs ago, our Boys' Godfather, close friend & an Uncle. I'm curious how my W will worm her way out of answering the question ; "Have you attended M C. ?" .... Yup, I know that question is coming, I want to attend MC, but she said that she is past that & wants to move on. Her closest relatives are furious at her & have broken off communication, at least temporarily. I was proud of myself- When they spoke with me, I was only positive, didn't say one negative thing about W. Simply said that I love her,I'm working on ME & I'll continie to be the best Dad ever. The more time that I spend with her, the more I believe that she is &$%## nuts. I love my crazy W though & still want to keep the family intact. Working on some type of GAL everyday- gym, group hikes, yoga, D/S support group ect, & IC once a week... Also getting paperwork together for grad school. GAL is easier to do while I'm on vacation- starting work again in two weeks, but will still try to do something everyday. Thanks Everyone for the support. Wishing you the best & sending good vibes for 2012! P
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Try not to have any expectation, keep your positive attitude, don't add anything to the conversation unless you are asked and keep acting as it. Continue to treat her with the love and respect you've shown before.
I think you will do fine.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Good luck today, I know it won't be easy to listen to her talk about your break-up. Keep your chin up and don't make excuses for her when you meet with the close friend- she has to face the music of her choices.
You have managed to act with dignity and compassion, both of which which will come in handy as the journey continues. You are being a calm stability for your kids during this storm that you W has created... you are living up to your name, perseverance.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Thanks LAbug,Purgatory & Ces67 I love this site... It is so helpful to reach out & hear the voice of common sense and reason. Sometimes, when you're in the middle of this horrible ride it can be difficult to process info through the emotional pain.
The P. quote of the day : ) "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." - Mother Teresa
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The more time that I spend with her, the more I believe that she is &$%## nuts. I love my crazy W though
This sounds very familiar!
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
Meeting went well with our close friend & relative who is also our Boys' Godfather & the priest that married us 17 hrs ago . Met him for lunch, W told him about the D. Tears all around... It turned into a bit of a MC session( although W wouldn't agree to mc). Two hours... Trying not to be hopeful, but it seemed as though the "wall" that my W put up was lowered a bit. I'll keep working on ME, 180s, being a great Dad, gal & hope for the best. Just need time... Seems that my W needs time to see that my positive changes are to stay. Severe wounds take time to heal. I should be content that she loves me. She moved out- but maybe that will help her heal n forgive. I'll wait for her to bring up D papers etc again
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
& still want to keep the family intact. Working on some type of GAL everyday- gym, group hikes, yoga, D/S support group ect, & IC once a week... Also getting paperwork together for grad school. GAL is easier to do while I'm on vacation- starting work again in two weeks, but will still try to do something everyday.