WHG: Down the rabbit hole I guess

[labug]

WHG, I think I started keeping up with your sitch because your posts reminded me of me. I over think, over analyze, over explain, over write everything. I must explain away every possible problem.

I used to think I was being thorough, prepared and smart; I was really being controlling. If a conversation veered into a place I hadn't explored I might not have an answer and then I didn't feel so thorough, prepared and smart. People might think I'm stupid or not perfect. Yes, for me it all came back to shame about myself.

My writing and conversation left no room for another person's thoughts or feelings because I had it all figured out and I couldn't risk losing control.

With the help of my T I figured that out and my life is getting better. When I started listening to people with my ears and brain and heart instead of preparing my next perfectly crafted statement, things started getting better. When I learned to ask for clarification or more info, things started getting better. When I learned to say some simple phrases like, "I don't understand", "I don't have an answer right now but let me think about it" and the ever popular "No" things really got better. When I learned to STOP and THINK and not be afraid of the little silences in conversations things REALLY started to improve.

I have a friend who proofreads my emails to red pencil any snarkiness, condescension, holier than thou crap and too much information. I have an email up on here tight now that I'm looking for help with. I know I need help.

This thread has been very instructive to me, a good tune-up, thanks to all who have contributed.