Upside Down

[purgatory]

I've been saying that to myself for two months. Still don't know what it means. I'm a husband and a father. I like it. It defines me. Back to my framework. My goal is to not have my kids get hurt. Within that framework, what does moving forward look like? What does focusing on me look like? How do I detach? How can read every possible definition of the word aloof and still not know how to do it? I love my kids.

Change 'husband and father' to 'wife and mother' and you have my thoughts written down exactly. I know people say that my H does not determine my happiness, but he's a big part of my definition of happiness- he has given me a wonderful home and 2 beautiful kids. Those life experiences define me, and they have exposed me to what makes me happy.

My H stil lives in our home because of finances. Detaching is super hard when I have to see him and talk to him daily. Not sure if this helps you, but what I have started to do is to make sure that I look busy when I know he's going to see me. I'll have my laptop out and be clicking/typing away and not even give him a glance when he comes in the room (not normal for me because I think it's rude to ignore someone) I've also started to make sure that I'm not in the house when he gets here... it's silly, but I've even waited down the street until his truck passes just so I can come home after him- he's usually surprised and asks where I've been (of course I don't answer him so I can stay aloof)

Sorry, I don't have the answers you're looking for... if I find it, I WILL share my wisdom (as long as you do the same for me too.) The things that have worked for me best are to post a lot- and someone usually has some insight that inspires me, and read the posts of people that have done this for a while- their sitchs usually address similar issues.

Until we find a solution like a magic 'detachment pill'... I'll save you a seat on this roller coaster. I'd really like to know when I can get off!!