Just need to journal as I am having a slight anxiety attack at work.
SO is supposed to Skype with me so we can talk finances face to face. I am very anxious as this is determining the outcome of where I will live when he gets home.
I would like to stay until May 1st as we have to go on a trip for what would have been our wedding at the beginning of April.
Since I am paying for the "wedding" I am unable to afford to do all at once.
The trip is non transferable and all that so I am stuck.
SO has signed in to Skype but not contacted me. This means he was probably on to talk with OW.
Oh and I should add... *IF* I CAN live with him until May. It may be too difficult. He would also have to agree that we are not allowed to bring people home. This OW and him would most likely continue their affair as she lives in our hometown too. He may not be willing to do that.
I just don't think that there is any way I could stay in the house if he was bringing her, or other women over.
I just thought that living together for a bit when he gets home and gets to decompress,.... maybe things will change?? Maybe his feelings will change?
I don't know what happened to the rest of my post and now I can't edit.
I am just wondering, should I go dim/dark for the next two months and hope for the best upon his return?
Or should I have that Skype 'date' to ask if I can stay till after the trip and also to ask if he wants to go on the trip with me. If he says no to both, then I should start looking for a place mar 1 if he says yes to either one or both, then I wouldn't have to start looking for a place.
I guess I kind of need to know but I don't know if I just let sleeping dogs lie ftm and give him space, if that is better for my end wanted end result. Or the end result I *think* I want atp anyways
I would advise against asking H to stay in the house. I would highly recommend going dark. If you don't have any kids or serious home/health concerns- then you shouldn't have a reason to talk to him. I know *you* want the answers now- even if he's thought about it, he might not be ready to talk about that subject. If you push him to talk about it, you are almost guaranteed not to get a response that you like (because he would feel pressured to discuss.) If *he* brings it up, you need to have your thoughts already together, so you don't get flustered with your sad emotions. If you do end up having to talk, keep your composure and dignity in tact. (he will most likely be looking for you to break down in a puddle of tears, and by acting opposite, you take the wind out of his sails and he will have to re-approach his game plan.) I talk too much sometimes... my point is, for you to remain in control of your feelings while talking with him, so he doesn't think he can get the upper hand on you.
Now that being said, you are more than allowed to cry your eyes out, scream and vent... not in front of him. That's what these boards are for You will find many of us screaming everyday!
I hear anxiety in your post. Breath in, breath out. Slow down. You will get the answers that you need, but wait for the time to present itself. A lot can change in 2 months... he might get bored with OW. You might change how you feel. You both are subject to change... so wait it out.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Thank you Purgatory for the response. It feels so much better just to be heard. I can't really talk to my friends and family as they are all just like "leave him, now!!" full of emotion of course.
This is just a bit of a pickle because I am worried, if I just let stuff stay as they are and we don't talk till he gets back... what happens if he walks in the door and is like "why are you packed? No you can't stay till May 1st.. get out now!" then I am not prepared.
But I totally agree with you on all aspects. I guess I'm just worried I will be up the creek without a paddle come the end of Feb.
And I don't have concrete evidence that there is another woman. Just the evidence that one was talking to him in an inappropriate way (or she didn't know about me... which is probably more likely the case) and on dating sites (but in A-stan I doubt he did more than just talk to the girls off there.
Thanks again for your reply. I was so happy to have something to read to calm my nerves this AM.
Wow, i just read over your posts from the beginning... and it's doesn't look like you've had much support. I'm sorry. That's not usually the case, but it will be easier when you aren't moderated so there's no delay.
I wanted to pop back in a see how you're doing I read back over your posts with a different filter- that H is deployed (for some reason that didn't sink in with me the first time around).... I'm a Navy wife- I get it. My H and I have been M for 7 years and he's only been home for 3 years of that (2 years straight and 1 years of months added together). He is getting ready to go to A-stan in July, for 385 days. I've been struggling with the fact that he wants to have our legal separation filed before he leaves and he's already changed his Will. DestinyUnknown (just look up her name because her posts are all over the place) is a user who was able to DB while her H was deployed, I've read over her sitch and it was insightful. She still posts every once and a while, maybe you could reach out to her and she can come read your posts, she's helped me out a few times.
You do have rights and there maybe something you an do to protect yourself from him expecting you to leave. Call the JAG officer on your base/post and they will meet with you for free to discuss any legal actions that need to take place.
Please keep posting and feel free to check out my sitch (the link to my original posts are on the first page of my current one) and maybe something in there will inspire you.
Hang in there!!
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Hi fellow Military wife, I am really sorry to hear that your husband is deploying for so long.
I am actually Canadian so our rules are a bit different. Plus my SO and I were only engaged. We were supposed to be married April 7,2012
Could be why I haven't been getting a lot of support as well.
I just feel like every move I make is so crucial at this point as he is away, so i think each thing resonates more?
I have read DestinyUnknown's situation. And there was another woman's thread that is actually the one Google caught when I found this board. Her situation was almost exactly the same as mine except she and her H were married for a short time.
Could be the holidays. Spend the time when you're not getting support, looking through others' threads and providing them with advice and encouragement. It will help solidify the concepts that you need in your mind - detachment, positive mental attitude, belief in yourself. It will help them feel better and you too.
I'm sure no one here thinks you're boring! And I don't think it matters that you weren't married yet, there are other posters here who are DBing their unmarried partners.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
