feeling like giving up.....former DBing against OW

[MynameisMZ]

Wow...OK. I was like you. My H pursued me over a 5 year period and I was not interested. Then we re-met serendipitously and something clicked between us. We married and had children and I remained very much a mother and a productive provider. I come from a family with a strong work ethic. I have a good career and H is an under-achiever although much brighter than I am.

He was always the pursuer in our R. When I really started suspecting the A I woke up. My outline is in the Piecing section? No, in Keeping Love Alive....I'll find it.

Anyway, I went looking for him while I thought he was at golf, but then thought maybe he was w ow. I finally made contact at one of the restaurants I knew they frequented. We touched base by cell ph and I told him where I was. He came there, got in my car, and I just broke down. I cried and cried, hyperventilated.....and all the while I was doing this I was thinking how pathetic I was to be showing signs of weakness. To my absolute surprise.....!!!!!....he held me and said, "OMG, you came for me." I didn't know then that what I was doing was an 180, but I knew I had to move in emotionally.

A LOT of crap and gaming went on for another week and a half when we began to discuss his "EA" and I issued my LRT. I could not believe it had only remained an EA, although I so desperately wanted to believe that it had. I....I offered.... to move to our cottage. He told me he did not want that and that he needed me to move in closer to him. I did and have not left him since.

I know my story is different, but that is what I did.

HOWEVER, I did write him a letter. I wrote him what I call the "I get it letter." I outlined everything I knew I did wrong and included things I knew he thought I did wrong....even tho I did not agree with some of those things. OK, maybe I was "manipulative" in that way.....or maybe not because he EXPERIENCED me as that way. Bottom line: I validated his view and his feelings. I think that was a BIG move in the right direction as far as what I could do. Even tho I did not agree with some of his sentiments, it did give me an idea of what he was vulnerable about. He has always been jealous of my career and success. I don't agree that that is something to be resentful about, but he was.

More later.....