That's because in her effort to avoid her issues she keeps pulling a bait and switch on you.
She gives, then let's you know she didn't like it.
This way she looks good for having tried, then can guilt you for having put her up to it, and prevent any future attempts.
Tell me if this statement makes any sense
"oh yes I'm willing to do it, but of you ask me to i will hate you for it"
Doesn't sound like she's very willing does it?
I think this is more scrap throwing, with the added bonus of getting another reason to guilt you.
Any and all apprehension to this new plan is just her freaking out because she realizes she can no longer control you with scraps.
This feeling you describe about wondering if everything will be aligned. I can empathize with that. I know what it means when you feel like there is more preconditions for sex than a space shuttle launch.
If you feel that you constantly have to watch what you say or do to get sex, then you are being controlled. Part of the reason many sources recommend a sex moratorium is because once the HD stops constantly bending over backwards and forwards trying to get sex, he can start focusing on truly enforcing his boundaries.
In other words you can truly take your wife to task on her actions once you stop worrying if you're going to get sex that night. It is truly liberating.
She needs to learn that not only are you worth more than scraps, but that you are done rolling over for them.
On the positive side you can now start giving her physical affection without the expectation of sex. Often enough LD spouses will complain that every hug and every kiss is an attempt to initiate. This can make the LD spouse paranoid and distrusting, removing the expectation often makes it easier for the spouse to see that you are showing love through hugs.
I suspect that when you have sex with your wife it must feel like she is a limp doll to both of you. For you it's obvious, she's just not into it. For her she probably feels that you are doing this to "meet your needs". She probably thinks if she doesn't put out you might go looking for another "doll" a prettier one with more interactive features.
She probably can't wrap her head around the notion that you want her. So while you are on a moratorium strive for nonsexual intimacy. Let her feel loved physically without sex. Let her know that you strive to feel close and connected, let her start feeling that connection and hopefully start craving it.
