I think the detaching and success was more about during the phase before reconciliation when you are DBing, letting the S miss you. If you reconcile then you slowly work toward the interdependence I've mentioned before, not expecting your partner to complete you but to complement you.
What I wanted to convey was that detachment is healthy and even necessary for building a new relationship.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss