Being thankful and praying

[angel61]

Easy to say, hard to do.

I keep reminding myself to just focus on the positives, but its so hard when we seem to be getting into each others nerves again. maybe its just the stress of the holidays, who knows.

New Years we went to Vegas and I was determined to have fun with D. Problem with H is that he was so worried about everything. So we go out close to midnight on the strip where there were thousands of people. I was taking pictures and suddenly, H snaps at me that he was getting annoyed with me for taking pictures up close. I got annoyed to and started arguing with him. It ended quickly but I just felt pissed and did not enjoy the rest of the night.

This is the start of several more incidents which looking back, I should just have shut up and ignored him.

When we got back to the hotel again he picked a fight with me. I was acting a little moody, of course after the incident in the street.

H: Why are you throwing a tantrum?
M: I am not, just annoyed that we don't have nice pictures. Why don't you smile when we have pics together?
H: I don't like it when you post my pics on FB. YOu are not respecting my wishes.
M: You never told me you did not like me doing that, in fact you ask me to post stuff on FB for you! And I do choose those in which you look OK!

This ended up with me so annoyed I wanted to toss our camera out of the balcony. I know, I was being dramatic, and that is one of my faults. But the point is, our little arguments are making me backslide.

The next day, all was fine again. H woke up happy, as though we had no fight, even wanted to ML. So I just put it behind me.

In the car going home though, I made a little discovery. I had his iphone with me to keep track of directions, and he would ask me to call people every now and then. I saw in his contacts that OW number was no longer there, and that he had deleted all of the pics with OW in them. Good, I thought. But suddenly, I had an intution that one of the entries there was not real (it was the name of a girl he had hired prior to OW, same position) and I looked at it. True, it had OW's phone numbers!

I was so bothered that he was hiding OW's number. I wrestled with myself on whether to confront him or not.

At first, I just decided to let it go. But when we got home, that evening before sleeping, I decided to confront him about it.

I approached it by first talking about how I felt comfortable that we were progressing in our relationship, that I did not anymore focus on OW as a threat. He said he knew that. So then I asked him why he had to keep OW's number hidden, I felt there was subterfuge involved. He said that was so I would not see OW's name and feel bad, to remove reminders. I said that I would rather see OW's name than think he was hiding something, because then what other things would he be hiding? He said he had not called her at all, and didn't even know if that number was active. I said OK, I believe him.

I decided to end it there, just to keep from having more dicussions.

To be continued.....