Your previous post (copied below) really resonated for me:
"I made a comment that he purchased dark red sheets. I started to laugh and said you know every set of sheets you have purchased in the past has been the same color. I didn't see anything wrong with that comment. Well he responded by rolling his eyes and saying that I criticize every thing he does. No, I was just making a comment on the color and he said I am sorry, it's just me. I said ok and left it at that and moved on."
This is absolutely to the script my H is working from - especially the eye-rolling!
Just about everything I say, he interprets as a criticism. Occasionally, he will apologise for 'just being grumpy bast...d' or for 'biting my head off' but, more often than not, he sticks to his line that I criticise everything he does.
It's very hard to be around them at all when they are in this phase. My H just gets more and more irritated.
Hope you can find some way of coping with the constant stress. Thinking of you, NLW
I am so glad that I am not alone. He can take a compliment and turn it around.
He will occasionally apologize as well, far and few in between.
When I am around him, I am find myself rehearsing in my head about what I am going to say to him, so he doesn't think I am criticizing him.
Receive a call from H on my way to class tonight. He asked if I got out early if I could come by and help with our D and he said that I could spend the night if I wanted to. I said sure, because I knew I wasn't getting out early. But it turned out I did get out a little early. But decided to come straight home and let him deal with her.
Receive a call from H on my way to class tonight. He asked if I got out early if I could come by and help with our D and he said that I could spend the night if I wanted to. I said sure, because I knew I wasn't getting out early. But it turned out I did get out a little early. But decided to come straight home and let him deal with her.
There you go!!!! Keep it up!
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
When I am around him, I am find myself rehearsing in my head about what I am going to say to him, so he doesn't think I am criticizing him.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one doing this^^^^. It's so confusing when H reacts angry/pissy when I make a simple statement that used to never bother him. Sometimes I find myself apologizing: 'I didn't know [my statement] would upset you, that's never my intention, sorry." and sometimes I'll call him out on it: "I think you're over reacting a little to [my statement], and it hurts my feelings." Both of these are 180's for me b/c I would normally started giving it right back to him... and that always led to a fight. To my surprise, H will usually calm down to my level of talking and sometimes apologize.... but the fact that H lowers his voice- is a win in my book.
I'm glad to see that this seems to be a 'normal' phase of the WAH.... when do they get out of it??
I'm really impressed that you didn't go over to his house. I'm not that strong yet- if I had a chance to be around my H, I would take it. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you to do, but it showed him that you won't jump to his every request... way to go!!
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
+1, my W tends to view my questions as complaints, comments as criticism, and any mild complaint as a world-ending crisis. Definitely see a pattern here.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Who wants to walk on eggshells all the time and live like that? Is that what you really want?
If you can't be genuine then your spouse doesn't deserve you.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
No, I don't want to feel that I have to walk on eggshells all the time. I want to be myself. Hopefully, walking on eggshells is just another phase we are going thru.
+1, my W tends to view my questions as complaints, comments as criticism, and any mild complaint as a world-ending crisis. Definitely see a pattern here.
Accuray
I think my wife was viewing things that way for quite some time before making and announcing her decision. I'm beginning to suspect that almost any time we had a differenece of opinion, she took it as being somehow invalidated. Though to be fair, I could very well have been often inelegant, without really meaning to, in how I put things.
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
