Happy New Year Val, Hopeful and everyone else who pops in on here from time to time.
I had a great time yesterday with my son. Wife thankfully wasn't home from work when I arrived so my son saw me come into the room and had the only smile from ear to ear and leaped into my arms when I knelt down to hug him. We played a little, watched Bob the Builder and Thomas, singing along as we do. He's now trying to cover my mouth when I sing along with him as he wants to do it on his own. Little mister independant now!
Wife showed up near the end of Thomas and we both spent some time with our S. I had a prior engagement so when her father arrived I had to head out. A fleeting feeling in the back of my head got me thinking W wanted to have a talk, and sure enough she did. I think I've developed OmegaZed-Sense at this point.
She naturally led into her question this way:
W - "I know you didn't come here for this, but I wanted to know what you are planning to do with the D papers."
Me - "I don't think this is an appropiate time to discuss this."
W - "I thought we reached an aggrement?"
Me - "WE didn't. Our lawyers did."
W - "So you're going to delay this even more?"
Me - "I obviously don't want to discuss this now, however you're not leaving me much choice. I'm waiting a call from my lawyer and I'll go from there."
W - "Why do you keep delaying?"
Me - "I'm not delaying. I disagreed with terms and I have a legal right to protect my interests as a father and allow my son appropiate access to me."
She then proceeded to go on about how she felt she wasn't being spiteful or mean and how this shows I'm still selfish and can't let go. Mentioned how my mother and brother basically didn't acknowledge her when she visited on Christmas and compared it to how her family acknowledges me (I held my tongue here hardcore b/c my family is extremely hurt by her actions).
A few times I did respond.
W - "You never took an interest in S's daily wellbeing, only when you felt like it was needed."
Me - "You're right and for that I'm sorry. Obviously I want to change that now and you're doing all these measures to restrict him from me."
W - "I'm doing these measures because you've been so shady during this whole ordeal."
Me - "If I have been, why haven't you brought it up to me before. We have to be in communication now more than ever because of our S. We both want his wellbeing, so I don't see what the problem is."
W - "I haven't brought it up because your answers are so evasive and you word things wrong sometimes."
It went back and forth some more but eventually through remaining calm and not argumentive, we agreed to better communicate with each other especially in regards to our son. She reiterated prior to that agreement she still isn't comfortable with me being alone with our S because she feels I don't understand him yet. I just said I will do my best in the time I am given with him, but with only bi-weekly visitation by the time you do trust me, I'll have missed out on so much of his early years. She said she'll try to see if she can let me do more.
I just changed the subject back to communication and that's when the convo started to go towards more positive headway.
I truly no longer know who this woman is anymore, yet all I feel in my heart is love for her. It is the most confusing thing ever.
It also confused me on how she saw me disagreeing with the custody terms and visitations rights as delaying and refusal to let go. It's baffling, and yeah to a degree it made me think that maybe, just maybe I was doing the wrong thing but my IC said it was just script, and I remembered in my earlier thread someone had posted that she may use it as daggers towards me, but it will be just script (I think it was 25...I'm in need of a refresher on my own sitch I guess lol)
Overall, it could have gone worse but I felt good getting my piece said and I guess for her in a way she got what she wanted out.
I think...I think even with the divorce going through...I'll be ok.
