Too Little, Too late. 2

[purgatory]

Today journal:

H wanted to take me and his mom out for breakfast before we had to take her to the airport (she traveled back with him so he wouldn't have to deal with the boys alone in the car for 13 hours.... I was kinda hoping that he would have suffered a little and the harsh reality of his decision would start to sink in, oh-well.)
At breakfast he was nice, friendly and initiated a few conversations directly with me. I'm talking with him thinking: "this is the same man who sat with me last night and so confident in his choice to leave me... now he's my 'friend'?? Doesn't he know how hard it is to just sit here with him and not bawl my eyes out?!"
It's amazing to me how the WAS can flip-flop so easily and not seem to have a care of the path of destruction they just left. OMG!! LIGHTBULB!! as I was just typing that last sentence^^^, it hit me: Cr@p..... this must have been how my H felt when I would go off so cruelly one minute and then act as if nothing happened the next- with no apologies. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. That must have been awful for him to go through on a regular basis. My C has helped me to discover why/how I was able to emotionally detach myself from him when we would get into fights. I came to realize that I would talk to him as if he was a perfect stranger that I didn't care about- not the man I love and should have chosen my words carefully so as not to destroy his ego. THAT has been one of my major changes through all of this. I started to change it a while before he dropped the bomb, but I wasn't good at it. Now I've learned how to be conscience in a discussion and things always go much smoother- in fact, he's usually the one to loose his temper first and I stay calm which brings him back down. (the tables have turned)

So this is funny: H unloaded his truck from their trip and left it all in the family room. He casually mentioned: "so, as you're unpacking the stuff from the trip, keep and eye out for [something]" My brain stopped listening when he said *you're*, implying that he expected *me* to unpack the sh!t from *his* trip! This was funny to me on so many levels...
first off, I did pack up the boys things for him (because I didn't want my boys to be without anything they might possibly need for a week and my H would forget something, I'm sure) so I guess I gave him the impression that I would help again at the end of the trip. Maybe that was my fault.
Second, The simple fact that he *expects* that I will do this (because it's what I've always done) goes to the fact that he *likes* having a W to help. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to be missed only for doing chores, BUT he is going to have a rude awakening when he's on his own and doesn't have dinner ready for him when he gets home and is 'starving!!' the second he walks in the door; when he doesn't have clean clothes magically folded and ready for him; the fridge and pantry are magically full of food; when he comes home to an empty house and no one to talk to; and when he decides to go on a trip and I'm not there to plan/pack/unpack for him. These luxuries are part of the whole package of having a W.... and I think that he hasn't realized the *whole* package he's walking away from