Sounds like you did well. W cooking that meal was pursuit. She was uncomfortable with the distance she felt, which is a good thing. She needs more space. Things I wish you had said:
"Get real. I am not excited about waiting until April fir you to move out either i am not trying to change that. This is sooo not about altering your plans. It is about you going through with your plans in the best way possible for the kids."
"What do you get out of telling the kids so early and is it fair to use them to get it?"
"Whoaaa. Don't put those words in my mouth. They don't reflect my thoughts. If you have those feelings, you have to own them."
"Ya know, you sharing my bed does not work for me either.. What is the best way to change that quickly?"
"Of course I will be there Sunday, the kids will need us both. But between now and then please consider what you gain from telling them so early and what it will cost them. It changes nothing in terms of physical separation or divorce. So please just take a step back and try to look at it as something separate from our issues. This really is just about the kids."
"I am NOT trying to interfere with the separation or divorce. The M we could have without you feeling you've done what you need to do is not one I would want either. "
Regarding my XH, I would complain about him to my C. My C would say what would happen if blah blah. I'd say "he'd get mad or upset or..." She'd reply, "so what?"
So what if W got mad. Just maybe you got her to think. How was rolling over and letting her smash the kids without trying to intervene better?
Having a spine is more attractive than the alternative. As for W's self-involved tantrum, well, that's not very attractive. She was no doubt frustrated she couldnt act out even more because you weren't at home. But it does show where she is.
