Yes, it is one of the things I continue to work on. And here is a "but" I suppose... however, one of the frustrations is that of course the unique qualities of each sitch are impossible to know. So while we are all desperate for help and guidance, that can only go so far. It's not possible to know the ins and outs of every sitch or every relationship.
You are correct, there is no way to know what goes on in every situation. All I can do is go by what you put out there for people here to see. You could be the most real person in the world, or you could be a troll doing a psychiatric study from some classroom. I will not assume the latter, and by faith, I think you are a very real person , with very real problems.
All I can do is read the emotion that you post with. Your words, your pain, your substance. And I can assure you of one thing. There is NOTHING that you can post that will either surprise me or shock me. I have been reading/posting here for over 4 years, and have read some of the worst situations out there. I write that, not to make you think more of me, than anyone else, rather to let you know that I understand the pain you have inside of you.
When I read anger from you, it is because I have read that from dozens of angry people here...
When I read condescension from you, it is because I see your superiority in your words.
When I ask about you always being right ?
It is because I read that in your words. That constant burning inside of you to always be heard, to always have the right answer. And I have been there as well.
I used to be that person, that guy who made himself feel better because he was the one who was right. The guy that could fix anything in any situation. Right up until my bomb. Then I had some hard lessons in front of me.
For months, I asked how she could do this TO me.....Then I started to look inside of myself to find out why ?
It was EASY to thump my chest and say what a good person I was....but was I ? Really????
It was easy when one only has one side of the story to go by. It is easy to be a better person AFTER the crap has blown up in one's face. But who were you BEFORE this ????
And if one ignores that part of it...then the reality is...it is easy to fall back into old patterns of behavior.
It took a lot of hard questions to realize my truth and my role in the breakdown of my marriage. I Was controlling, I was superior , I was always right.
Did that make me a bad person ? No...
What it made me was a pretty good guy, who had some seriously lacking relationship and communication skills.
In the process of defining myself, growing emotionally, and learning from my mistakes. I learned that I wasn't a "better" emotional partner throughout most of my marriage. I wasn't a "better" option, as long as I CHOSE to remain stuck in who I once was.
Then the long process of rebuilding myself started. I can tell you that UNTIL I did MY work, I wasn't the better option for any person.
And if you think standing, or limbo is hard....you will be in shock when your next relationship starts. ( and yes, that next relationship CAN be with your spouse)
Posting here is something I choose to do W. To pass along what I have learned from my mistakes. In hopes that one thing, learned from one person, helps them in some small way. I cannot speak for anyone else, although I am sure that most that stay, or come back, feel the same way.
I know that I would have never found my way, if I wasn't pushed, and challenged by people who could see past my wordsmith skills. (and I see you have that gift as well).
I see a lot of who I used to be in your recent actions and words. The HARD questions are the ones worth answering. The ones that give you that little sting on the back of your neck.....those are the ones that you should take a look at. Because the old adage about the truth hurting.....it is true.
And I see you fighting those questions internally. When those "defensive" flags start flying. Do yourself a favor, and ask WHY something pissed you off from a post.
