Putting it back together, but SSM issues linger

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Thanks Greenblue,

We never yell at each other, and she doesn't get overtly angry, she gets sad (you're upset because I can never do the right thing with you) .

Then, she walks a fine line between implying I'm impossible to please on one hand, and that she's a bad, inconsiderate or damaged person on the other.

Reflecting on your post, she starts out with "you're impossible to please and your expectations make me upset". When I take your approach and try to calmly diffuse the situation she goes to "your expectations are fine but I don't make you happy or I can't make you happy".

As I've said before, I don't have crazy expectations, she's manufacturing that and pinning it on me by reading the worst and most severe interpretation into what I say. I do have some basic expectations which the therapists all tell me are perfectly reasonable and sometimes she does disappoint me on those. Since I know shes hyper-sensitive I try to avoid pointing those out unless she's nearing a boundary.

I do feel manipulated but to your point I don't think its malicious, its a coping mechanism. I just want it to stop so I'm not always the bad guy by making her feel inadequate.

Thanks again Greenblue.

In the spirit of trying something different I was considering going on the offensive when this starts up and driving the situation rather than trying to placate her. "Yes, when you get out of bed on the weekend and break our routine without saying a word about it, you're being inconsiderate and I want that to stop"

Thoughts about that approach?

Thoughts about my no sex strategy?

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