Another WAW

[sandi2]

Sorry for your problems, but glad you found your way to our community.

I feel our relationship changed about 6 years ago when my wife went back to work.

So up until that time six years ago, your MR was good? How about her complaints against you, were there many before she went back to work?

It's great to hear she has remained cancer-free for five years! How was the R during the time she was taking treatments and had her surgery? Was the mastectomy pretty hard on her, or was she able to see the logic and make the best choice of the options? Some women handle things like that much better than others.

W complaints have been I work too much, put my career ahead of the family, don't pay attention to her, wasn't there during the cancer treatments(radiation) because I was had to work. Talked about living like roommates for the past couple of years and why didn't I want to do something about it. I was too hard on our oldest S, wasn't a very good father and role model for our sons.

Any of that true? Was this before or after her surgery?

In summary, I've made every mistake you could make in a relationship it seems.

Is this how she sees it or how you see it? I'm just trying to get it straight in my mind.

Also, 15 years ago, I had a couple of incidents with drinking too much which led to inappropriate behavior of kissing and fondling. I did walk away from the situations before they went too far. Three years after these incidents, I told my wife about them so she knows everything. We worked through it and it seemed she forgave me, but she has always been extremely distrustful of me, which is understandable.

Was this behavior with the same female or different ones? Why did you wait until three years later to confess?

When did her mistrust of you begin?

However she feels like I didn't do enough to help her with the trust issue and now says she should have left me back then and has never forgiven me for it.

Was there any professional MC? What did she mean that you didn't do enough to help?

Let me go back to this statement:

Talked about living like roommates for the past couple of years and why didn't I want to do something about it.

Whose idea was it to live like roommates? Did this sort of revolved around the surgery or her treatments? What happen to turn things around last spring? I know I'm asking lots of questions, but try to bear with me while I get it sorted.

Was your W distrustful of you before she found out about the inappropriate behavior? A pilot can turn the heads of some women just b/c he's wearing a uniform. Did you have women hitting on you a lot? Must have made time away from home rather tough.

Thing is, we got intimate a lot last spring, then in July we had an argument and from then there hasn't been any physical contact between us.

That argument must have been a doozy! Did she go back to the stuff 15 yrs ago? During the the time after the fight in July, did you ever try to initiate intimacy?

It seems that she needs the help of a good therapist (who is pro-marriage). If she's been through all this other with her cancer, etc., there is something she can't turn loose about the inappropriate behavior. There's either more than you've told us, or she refuses to forgive anyone that she sees as betrayal.