WHG: Down the rabbit hole I guess

[workinghardguy]

Thanks Rick... and I just realized I never answered Cat's question of what decision will I make?

I feel I have to be here when we tell the kids. Every C we've talked to says we need to do it together. I can't think of cowarding out of it, even though I don't want it to happen. There is a part of me that wants to call her bluff. That wants to see what would happen if I'm not here... would she really just do it herself? But to me that's playing with too much fire, and I'm not the one going to get burned... the kids are. And it strikes me as quite manipulative.

Not to mention it seems kind of childish... it's not like I can stay away forever. At some point I have to come home and we would tell them then. It's just pointless mindgames at that point.

So I don't want to do it but I don't see an option other than. And yes that sounds victim-like I agree.

And it's funny... because I started my day thinking this way... and stopped myself. I said that instead of thinking about everything that I might lose, maybe I should look at what I still have. Even in the worst case of things now I still have a S who I love and who loves me. I have a W who has agreed (at least so far) that she wants me to be a part of the lives of SS and SD. I have a house. I would have a 50/50 time split with my S. I have a W who speaks to me, most days at least, and whom I still get along with (which I know... is probably part of the problem).

I know that it could be so much worse. I know others here have it so much worse. So I should stop complaining and focus on what I have rather than what I'm losing. I really did start my day like this. And I revisited it during my IC session. And then somewhere else in the day it got lost in the fog.