Wow... so that didn't go so well...

I called my W this afternoon and asked her to meet me for coffee to discuss telling the kids about the D. I figured time to man up, and while I would've liked a little more time to plan, Sunday is coming fast and who knows how long my nerve would last.

So I left work early and we met for coffee before the kids got off of school. I outlined my concerns and what I wanted. Namely that telling the kids now is not good for them, that we can tell them mom and dad are having struggles and that is why mom is living in a different room, and that we will see where things go.

She didn't really like it very much. She became extremely angry at me. This marks the first time I've really seen the WAS anger when they don't think they're getting what they want. She became very emotional and said under no circumstances is it going past this Sunday. That yes, it is selfish in many ways, but that's too damn bad. She went on a little riff about how her parents gave her no notice, no warning and then when they did tell her they gave her false hope that they would get back together some day. That she is not going to do that to her kids. She will tell them the truth, from the start, and with plenty of warning. She also threw in that SS's counselor said the timing didn't matter... what mattered was how we handled it and how we handle each other.

We "discussed" for quite some time. She became pretty vicious. Reverting to behaviors I haven't seen in a while. Statements like "don't give them hope because we will never be together again", "I have never loved you and never will feel that way about you", "I need to get out of our <profanity> room and away from you", yada, yada, yada. Accusing me of using the kids as a tool to slow down her divorce plans. Telling me it's despicable to use the kids as a wedge. Then she finally broke down crying and, in a moment of what I believe to be classic projection, said that I am blaming her for everything, for the divorce, for hurting the kids, for scarring them for life, for ruining their childhoods, for destroying our marriage. Mind you I've never said those things, nor frankly do I think that. We both got here together... is it equal blame? Who knows... but that's really neither here nor there. We are where we are... blaming doesn't deal with the problem.

It ended with her getting up and walking out to the parking lot. She said she is going to tell them on Sunday. She is willing to wait for me to get home from church so we can tell them together or she can just do it while I'm gone. She is willing to modify the message to S5 so that we don't use "divorce", and she's willing to tell them that we're not moving right now. That for at least the next few months we all will still be living together.

I feel I dug in hard. I pushed and pushed... to the point that she was almost yelling at me at one point and people were starting to stare. But she is headstrong and going to do this. So I guess I have a choice to make. Be a party to the event or not.

It's been tense around the house tonight. We had dinner as a family and then I took SS and SD and we played XBox while she sat in the other room alone. Then S and I played some games while she sat alone in the other room as well. She's also feeling sick tonight so she just laid down and will be up late to get into "night shift" mode.

I just ignored her and let her wallow in her self-pity. She then ended up making one of my favorite dishes, unrequested and unasked for, as a side to our planned dinner. I'm not sure if she was just craving it too or if it was some type of half-baked peace offering. Things seemed less tense when she laid down.

So unless something breaks in the next few days I have to make a hard decision.


Married 6 together 8
Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both
SS12, SD10, S6
Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann)
W moved out: 2/18/12
D final: 11/12/12
Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD