Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Nblost]

Wow, thanks everyone. These words of wisdom are exactly what I need to stay strong in counseling today. I agree...the A has to end and he can't continue to be enabled.

I also agree that this isn't over. H came back from his football game yesterday and was attracted to me. He also helped do several things for the kids this morning and he cancelled a work meeting to make it to counseling today. I think it's likely all an effort to remain on his fence...but at least he's not completely on OW's side of the fence yet.

GH, affair started at the end of July 2011. (woman he met on an airplane) I found out 9/15/2011. H was completely different once the A started (stopped having sex with me, told me he needed to leave, was cold/hostile, etc.) I found out by checking his cell phone records and reverse looking up the phone number that he was constantly texting with. Upon discovery, we went to one counseling session and our counselor told him he needed to be honest with me. That night, he told me it was a EA/PA and he couldn't give it up. His constant theme has been...he can't give up the A, but he doesn't know if he wants to give up the marriage. However, he has now taken the A more secretive and he took OW on at least one vacation in December (which he won't admit).

I've told a few of my friends about the A for support. Only one of H's friends knows. (He's a mutual friend who noticed I was upset and pushed me to tell him what was wrong). So, H is also under pressure that he's still in a very secret world. And, H is the type of guy who everyone LOVES--he's funny, giving, sweet...so, I have to think on some level...he's also worried about disclosure. (and, "unfortunately" for him, I'm the type of wife that people also like...I've always been there for him, I'm fun, nice, I can hang out with the guys and they can be themselves, etc...no one is going to understand what he's done)

And, our three little girls don't know what he's done and he's commented that we could try to recover from this and hopefully they'll never feel the impact.

So, I have a foggy/crazy/lying H...but am I in the worst possible situation? Not really...I think there's still a chance for us.

I talk to a DB coach at lunchtime today (prior to the MC session). Should be good to get her perspective too.