What do I do next? Part 3

[luvhurts49]

With the holidays now over, I must admit that the last 2 weeks have been really hard for me. Not seeing my kids everyday is hard, but it's even harder when I don't see them on X-Mas morning or during half of their X-mas break. Usually we do something as a family during this time, but with the pending D and the resulting loss of funds, we couldn't do much besides just me spending some quality time at home with the kids.

No amount of preparation could have prepared me for the loss that I felt during the holidays. From not being able to see the look in my kids and W's eyes as they open presents X-mas morning. To not being able to hold and kiss my W at the stroke of midnight on January 1st and the excitement in my kids eyes as they drink sparkling grape juice to celebrate the new year.

I know everyone says that 2012 will be better and that we will all get through this, but I don't know how to feel anymore. I want to get through this, but I also want to be with my W. I just feel that sometimes just getting through it means that I am giving up on my M and my W.