Happy New Year!! You are so right sunshine, it really feels like a breakthrough and I continue to remain detached, which feels very good for me.
We had the anniversary party and it was a success. I had a chance to visit with family members that I haven't seen in a while and spent very little time with H, which was fine. It was actually by my choice. I was there to enjoy myself.
NYE we had people here and it was pleasant, we do it every year. Had a good time with friends. Got midnight texts from other good friends and kept my focus on the positive. H and I were getting along fine but I was remaining detached. Truly detached.
NY day was spent watching movies as a family, no talk..just movie time. That evening as we were going to bed, we had a disagreement. He did something that seemed off, and it triggered me slightly. I didn't intend to say anything but ended up telling him that I noticed while he was texting the other day, that he had deleted ALL of his texts. I said it seemed awfully strange. We went to sleep but once the kids went to school yesterday the conversation continued.
He wanted to assure me that he was not having an A, had not had one since we reconciled years ago. He admitted to being distant, not very nice to me in recent months. He still doesn't really know why.
On his own, he said he would no longer bring his phone to the bathroom, will stop deleting texts and shared his pw with me.
His reasons for deleting were my accusations and feeling like I was falsely accusing, and checked his phone one time a few months ago.
When asked my feelings, I said "I want my M, and have not spoken with a L. I've only been talking to a counselor" I also said "I can't continue with this M, it doesn't work as it is. I think we both deserve more and I'm unhappy with things as they are"
I got up and left to run some errands, didn't want to talk too much at this point. I wanted to be able to remain detached and not say the wrong thing.
I got a text message from him saying 'i really do love you, and I am sorry for the way that I have treated you. I don't want to lose you and I hope its not too late'
We did our own thing all morning. By lunch time we both ended up at home, he asked me to take the dog to the park with him. We took a 2 mile walk, no talking, just walking
I think I will make an appt with my DB coach for this week.
