Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[MynameisMZ]

"I also feel like H is trying to turn things on me so that it seems like I'm now the one initiating a separation."

You are facing a tough decision. He may or may not hear it, but perhaps with the help of the counselor you can convey that you don't want a separation. The goal will be to have him own it, that if you separate it is because he refuses to give up the A.
Even if he doesn't get it now, it will be something he will be able to reflect on in the future and help him take responsibility for how much he has hurt you and the children. He's not in that space right now.

Like I said, I told my H I wanted him, our M, our family, but I couldn't do it if he didn't choose us. Staying was not going to be an option if he didn't end it. See, I KNEW in my heart that they would have burned each other out. It was that much of a fantasy. He was going to have to experience the reality.

For about 2 weeks he was telling me he wanted us and our M and then he would run to her. I found all the IM chats and e-mails.
It was unbelievable! We were ML like crazy and he was telling me how much he loved me and wanted us and then he'd turn around and tell her how crazy I was. We're STILL working that crap out.

In my case, it didn't hurt that she staged a crime against herself, took pictures of it, and walked in to the office and said, "Control your crazy wife." I had heard they get desperate and do stupid things, they start to reveal their true colors.