WHG: Down the rabbit hole I guess

[workinghardguy]

Yeah... I recognized the guilt too... And while it is guilt, I'm glad to at least see it. She's been so disassociated and unconcerned with the kids' emotions I've wondered who she is.

I'm not sure if she was looking for solutions or not, but if she was they weren't going to come from me. After she went to bed I found myself crafting more options for her but made myself stop. Her mantra is that she's never been alone... Well, this is part of being alone.

The part I took some heart in is that she is at least reading some self-help books, and she appears to be connecting her current situation with her behaviors. And that if she is to be believed, she's accepting more of the onus of our M falling apart. And this isn't the first time she's said that, so I believe that she may believe it more now. I also think her willingness to work with me and keep our family as "together" as we can be in separate houses reflect her thinking.

If I am honest with myself, there are truisms in things she has said. She never has been alone, never had to be grown up by herself. She lived with a roommate for three months after high school befor she moved in with her first husband. She left her first husband and moved in with her dad. Three months after she left her first H, even before her divorce was final, we met while she was living with her dad. She then move from her dad's into a rental with me. Then we bought a house. Now we are here.

This doesn't mean I don't believe we shouldn't be together. But it does mean that I think she has some validity. I don't know that the solution of divorce is the right answer. I like to think that there are ways we could meet her psychological needs without blowing up our family.