Wife Left (Part 2)

[CO1978]

Thanks Sandi, I hope so too

Today after I got home from work I started day one of P90X. I figured January 1st is as good time as any to start an intense workout.

After my workout, I went and picked up S. When I got to the ILs house, S was napping. I had to wait a little until he woke up. Talked to MIL and FIL a little bit, one of the SIL was there also, didn't say much to her except hi.

S woke up and started to put up a fight, and did not want to leave, made me a little sad because he said he didn't want to go home with me. I know he is only 4 and doesn't realize what is going on, but it still makes me a little sad to hear that.

I asked if S had his medicine, no one seemed to know, but they then realized W didn't come home last night so nobody gave him is medication.

I noticed the time was getting close to W getting home from work so I hurried my way out of there. I really didn't want to see her today, and didn't want S to see her, as it would have made it more difficult to get him out of there.

We got home, I played legos with him, all he wants to do is build robots. Then he wanted to play a puzzle game on the Pinocchio DVD. Finally he is settling down for night and watching Pinocchio.

Only got 4 hours with him today, and haven't seen him since Thursday, but I made most of it, and feel much better having him with me tonight.

[Crimson]

I'm telling you, CO - you live your adult life thinking that you always need to be there for your kids, but then you find yourself in this situation and are grateful that they are there for YOU. And they have no idea how much.

I continue to wish the best for you and your fam - have a good week.

Crimson

[CO1978]

thank you crimson, best to you this year as well, I had caught up to your postings, and you are doing a great job detaching and moving forward (and not giving up!)

[labug]

You are rally growing in your understanding and in taking care of yourself. You're an inspiration.

[CO1978]

Labug, thank you so much, means a lot, as I said before you all really motivate me.

This morning with W was more of the same. Wasn't a great conversation, but wasn't a bad one. The usual topics.

I was waiting for her to mention how her New Year's Eve went, she didn't so I asked. She said it was ok, but the expression on her face said it wasn't ok. (not sure if she was holding something back, or what, but her expression was odd). I jokingly asked why did you get drunk after 2 drinks?

She said no she didn't really drink much. She just went to her friend's house and it was just the 2 of them and her family came over for New Years day. She did say she wished she went to her sister's. She said her friend was going to probably get back together with her fiancé.

She asked me how mine went, I told her I just went to bed since I worked in morning, got woken up at midnight by fireworks. She agreed that because she worked in morning was why she didn't want to drink much.

Nothing else really important to mention. She did stay to talk until I got my coat on to leave. As I was leaving she went into bathroom and locked door behind her. Struck me odd that she did that, something she never did. It felt like a slap in the face in the trust department. I shouldn't have let it bother me, but I did (so sue me, I'm not fully detached yet :P ).

[workinghardguy]

As I was leaving she went into bathroom and locked door behind her.

That was something I noticed a few weeks back too... my W suddenly starting changing clothes in the bathroom or would completely close the bedroom door (she used to leave it open a little and I'd often just walk in).

It annoyed me a little at the time, but I've let it go. I know knock before entering the bedroom if she's in there and the door is closed. Just wanting her to understand that I understand where she's at and can respect her new boundaries (though it would be easier if she'd just say them rather than me guessing).

Yesterday we were in the bedroom together having a conversation. I was changing clothes and one point I took my shirt off to put on a different shirt. She got this weird look on her face, like she was surprised I did that. I just let it go as her problem not mine... it's a guy with his shirt off... in his own bedroom... really? Take a pill. I could see if I went full frontal nudity on her, but changing shirts?

[CO1978]

Got home from work, worked out (day 3 P90X, wow I am sore!) and called W and asked her if it was ok if I picked S up today. She asked what time, I told her around 5pm. She muttered something, then said something about going somewhere with him. I if she had plans with him it was fine I could get him later, then she replied she didn't have money anyway. She sounded upset, I asked her if she was ok, she said I woke her up when I called. When I got there, W practically hurried me out the door. She rushed to get S things together as fast as she could. I made small talk with her parents and 2 of her sisters. Before leaving she asked if I had anyone to watch S while I had counseling tomorrow, I said I wasn't sure, she offered to come over to watch him. I asked her if she thought anymore about Retrouvaille, she said she didn't think it was a good idea, plus she didn't think she could get off work. I had a feeling she would say that. (Not sure if I should press the issue, and bring up what I thought was a sign to go to it [from earlier post of mine, I asked God for a sign, then looked into Retrouvaille and saw what I thought was a sign].) Then I asked her if she wanted to go back to counseling together since our MC wanted to see us together at least one more time, she said yes to that. I asked her when she wanted appointment so I could tell counselor when I see him tomorrow. She said whenever was fine. I asked if she wanted to go in beginning of February, or at the end of this month or what, she said again, whenever is fine. (I have a feeling when I make appointment she will say she has to work). I am scared of going to counseling together, what if that's when she decides to drop the next bomb? I know I shouldn't speculate, I don't know if it its good for us to go together or not. She hasn't gotten any more help for herself. Her not wanting to try Retrouvaille makes me wonder, she isn't ready/willing to work things out.

[Crimson]

Still, CO, that doesn't seem to erase some of the positive momentum that you appear to have created. I, like everyone else, am trying to get to the point where I can just let go of expectations and analysis. It's killing me - because that is just the way my mind works, but avoid it if you can. Keep doing what you're doing.

Crimson

[CO1978]

Yes I know I shouldn't expect or speculate or analyze things. I guess I do so so I don't get disappointed if things take a turn the other way.

I guess since how well things went when we were in hospital with S and how well we got along I got my hopes up, even thought I know better not to. Maybe she is trying to pull back some again.

See there I go again speculating and analyzing, some one hit me over the head with a 2x4 lol.

[CO1978]

Just talked to W. She asked if she still needed to come over to watch S tonight. I told her I hadn't found anyone yet, but could still look around if she couldn't.

We talked how hard its been with trying to find a medium for us to each see S. I thanked her for letting me have him for the next couple of days (since she is off today), and for coming out to watch him so I can keep him over night.

She said she didn't have money for gas, I told I could give her gas money.

She sounded upset, so I asked her if she was ok. She said she still wasn't feeling good. She said she was sorry for sounding snippy. She also apologized for be snippy in general towards me lately, she said she didn't mean to be.

We got into a conversation about her doctor and how she hasn't gotten her correct treatment for her sore throat now for 3 weeks. I told her to change her provider, so she can get someone who will help her.

This led to another conversation about her Fibromyalgia. I told her about a guy I work with telling me his wife had (she passed away) it and what she went thru and now I know a lot more about it. I apologized for not realizing how bad of an effect it had on her, and assumed since the doctors never gave her anything for it, it couldn't have been that bad.

She said it wasn't my fault, that she doesn't look sick and it was probably hard for me to deal with. She said I would come home and see her sleeping and nothing done and would get upset (hit the nail on the head) and didn't realize what was going on.

I told her again I felt bad for her and wish I could have done more to help her deal with it. I wish I knew how bad she was feeling from that, it would have made a big difference.

We both complained about how the doctors haven't really helped her with it.

I suggested to her again to check websites for a new healthcare provider (my insurance). She said she would do that.

She said something about not knowing why her throat wasn't getting better, and being worried of a possibility of cancer. I didn't even want to hear that, shared my concern with her. She said it would be her own fault for smoking.

I'm hope she finds a doctor that can help her. She has had Fibromyalgia for the past 2 years, and it probably was the catalyst to a lot of our problems.

So she will be coming over tonight to watch S. After we talked I noticed she left me a message on the phone (I missed her first call), asking if I had a sitter, to let her know, because she has other plans if I have a sitter.

Hmm....other plans? With no gas money?