Here is an update on where things stand: work sent me on a business trip out of town recently. It went well. W contacted me a couple of times during the trip to give me updates on the kids and talk about a few other things too. W and I spent New Year's apart.
Being S and living under the same roof is growing more challenging. Although I very much want our M to reconcile and succeed, there are times when I prefer when W is not in the house to when she is because there isn't the awarkwardness of being M but not acting M or ever discussing the M or the future.
W still has not said anything further about D, which is good, nor has she mentioned that she filed and then withdrew her filing. She says she is cautiously optimistic about the possibility of me being promoted at work. She has told me that she likes my rediscovered positive attitude and optimism. She complimented me recently on finishing a long-overdue project at home. We still have no emotional or physical connection. We S in October and she mentioned some of my bad behavior from before the S recently. I told her that was who I was, not who I am. I want to move forward with a couple of house projects but W either does not respond when I mention them or says that she does not think it is a good idea for us to take on the debt. At times I sense that she is observing me to see if the changes I have made are real and lasting. At other times I sense that she has not changed her mind about a D and is waiting until the time is right for her to file. It is driving me crazy not knowing what she is thinking or what her intentions are. I feel like I do not have any direction and am stuck, especially on joint projects like our home. I want to ask her what she is thinking so that I can have some guidance for me (move on, stay the course, etc.), but I do not think it is the DB/DR thing to do. Can someone who knows this road better than I do please give me some insight/suggestions? Thanks.
