Living with a WAW while going through a D part II

[2thepoint]

"Noticed that W has been drinking more than her usual. I don't know if I did the right thing but everyone has been urging me to tell my D my side. After dinner on Saturday I called her and she sat with us. I told her that I was very sorry but that I did not wanted what was happening. I said she needed to hear from the both of us. W had already spoken to her. I was too sad to even talk to her about it. My W was upset and said that I was not being fair.I was calm and polite my D was visibly upset. Went into her room and hung out and talked. She said I am still a great dad. Hopefully I did not make a mistake. I have not said anything bad about her mother and really don't have an urge."

Where to start...

So your W has been drinking more than usual. Did you talk to your D with your W, while she was drunk?

Who is "everyone" when you talk about being urged to tell your D your side? Unless I'm mistaken, I don't recall seeing posters here encouraging you to do this.

Was it friends and family? If so, don't you remember that they just want you to stop hurting and they think they are doing what is best but it really may be doing the opposite.

Your W was upset and said you weren't being fair? About what? Was there any score settling going on in this discussion?

So it must feel good to know that your D still thinks your a great dad. Did you doubt this?

You say that you don't know if you did the right thing and that you hope you didn't make a mistake. The fact that you ask that question should shed some light on how you are feeling about it. So what do you think? I'm not saying you made a mistake. Just interested in understanding your point of view on this.

It is good that you haven't said anything bad about your W to your D. Be sure to try to carry that same attitude with you in interactions with family and friends. Because, if you ever hope to R, it will be extremely hard to do if the baggage of the M has been shared with others.

In my sitch, I haven't told ANYONE that my W is having an A, that she has been tested for STD's, that she goes away on 4 day rendezvous's with OM on a fairly regular basis, etc. Very few people even know we are separated. And that will remain the case, regardless of the outcome. My W knows and I know and that is all that matters.

Hang in there Rick!