WHG: Down the rabbit hole I guess

[2thepoint]

"The other really hard moment was when S started to ask questions about family relations. Then about W's XH and SS and SD. We talked about it... about why mom and XH stopped being married. About how it happens some times and it doesn't mean mom or dad are bad and it's certainly not the kids' fault. After talking for a few minutes my S puts his head down on my chest, gives me a huge hug, and says "I hope that never happens to you and mommy, daddy."

Isn't it something; children are much more perceptive than we often give them credit for. They know something is up even if they aren't sure exactly what "up" is.

WHG, having already been down this particular road I can totally sympathize with how you are feeling. And it is probably THE MOST difficult thing you will ever have to do.

In my sitch, you might recall I was the one who told the kids that we were splitting up. (I did not say anything about divorce. I didn't want things to appear so final for the kids AND I wanted to leave a door open for my W if she were to change her mind). Although I really wanted my W to have to shoulder that burden since she was the one who wanted out of the M, in the end I felt that as the man of the house, I should be the one to break the news. Besides my W was an emotional wreck at the time and was in no condition to be facilitating this type of discussion.

My best advice is that once you have settled on what you want to say, share it with your W so she is clear on what the message is. Then take a moment to collect yourself before you meet with the kids. You may even want to check one last time with your W to see if she really wants to move forward with this.

I think the important thing is to appear as strong and compassionate as possible for the kids. There will be plenty of time to grieve privately, so try your best to keep it together for the kids sake. Of course you can't control what your W will do, so be prepared for anything. But, in all likelihood, she will probably be very sad and emotional.

My heart really goes out to you. Try to hang in there!