Okay friends - I have come to some realizations as I head into 2012:
My W didn't choose to be this unhappy, and has a lifetime of trauma to sort out in addition to our M issues. A lot on her plate.
Instead of looking at her actions in light of how they affect me I am looking at her in terms of how I can help her. When the bomb dropped I was incapable of this but have grown.
I no longer care about time and what and when I expect her to sort all of this out.
I truly love her and will give her all the time in the world, whatever she needs, whenever she needs it.
I have realized that I can do this for her, that I'm strong enough. I didn't know this about myself when the bomb dropped but through this have found something in me that has learned and accepted that true love means you think of your lover first and do not think in terms of how everything affects you first, no matter how painful. I'll let her sort our her life and be there for her. Yes, in the meantime I will focus on how I can improve and make that happen, but I will not add any stress to my W who is already struggling so hard.
Whatever the outcome, however long it takes I will be here by her side, all the while being the best Dad I can be.
I just feel so strong as I enter the year. Now let's just hope the Mayans aren't right!
